I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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