we have officially lost it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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