we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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