I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
50% drunk capacity currently
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
