Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
