people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
