so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
