Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
