I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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