ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
