Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
