After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
