so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i need some magic done to my vagina
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize