I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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