just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize