sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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