Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We need to get me chipped asap
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
