and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
