fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize