i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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