Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I look better un-naked...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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