That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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