she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
