if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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