apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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