Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
