If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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