How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My liver just broke up with me...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
