im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
