i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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