wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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