I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
