OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
