addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he thought i was a dude.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
