Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
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