Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
