turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
