Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
