the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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