It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
