I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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