If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
