I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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