so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
