worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
