I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
