So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
