It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
