Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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