Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
