we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
