I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
