she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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