just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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