billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
