Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
