have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
