i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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