I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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