matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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