Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
