I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
