I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
