Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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