I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The uberlube is also flammable
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
