we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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