laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
