The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
