Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
