so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
